Specificity and Show and Not Tell

Tips on showing not telling

• Use strong verbs when describing action

• Try to appeal to all five of the senses

• Choose specific events to describe a long-standing situation

• Describe reactions rather than standalone emotions

• Be specific with dialogue

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Task

Have a pallet of words. Find a selection of synonyms for all of these words:

• Happy - delighted

• Sad - sorrowful

• Angry - enraged

• Excited - thrilled

• Giddy - bemused

• Love - Infatuation

• Anxious - apprehensive

• Joy - delight

• Disgust - repulsion

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Showing vs Telling - warm-up exercise

Convert the following 'telling' narration into 'showing'

Original:

She answered the phone and gave her name. She said she did not take cold calls and that she regarded them as an invasion of privacy. She added that she was especially not interested in double-glazing.

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Converted: The relentless ringing of the kitchen telephone had begun to bother her, resulting in defeat as she held the phone to her left ear. 'Hello?' she breathed, 'This is Lily'. No answer. The muttering of nonsense followed rather quickly after this statement, the only words she could decipher being 'double glazing'. She quickly huffed a breath of utter annoyance, followed by a reply to match such irritation. 'I certainly do not take cold calls! Have you no respect for one's privacy?'. That should shut them up, thought Lily, as she swiftly put the phone down and continued with her day.

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Specificity

Descriptive writing, or the art of painting a picture in the reader's mind, is one of the most powerful techniques to master, whether you are writing fiction or non-fiction. The key to making it work and making your prose more powerful is specificity.

Specific words:
Usually, when people read a non-fiction story, they want to know they are getting as close as possible to a firsthand account of events that occurred. They want to feel as though they are hearing the story from someone who was there, and a genuine eyewitness can give specific details of what happened. Although people know that fiction is fictional, good fiction should nonetheless have the ring of authenticity to it. The way you convey that authenticity is by descriptive writing that includes specific details that someone who was actually present would know.

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Exercise - make this more specific:

''A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink''

A sentence this vague tells you right away that this is going to be a make-believe story, not something that has really happened. It would be a weak start to a nonfiction account or a novel.

Make this sentence seem more specific:

A hunched-over, shadow-like figure shuffled into a rundown, Manhattan bar, just past midnight. He had a clear sense of peculiarity written all over him, yet as he sat down on a rusted wooden stool, not one customer gave him a second look. He muttered an undistinguished phrase into the bartender's ear, and soon after he was given half a glass full of what appeared to be some kind of dark spirit.

 

More specificity exercises:

'A woman ran down the road'

A frantic combination of sweat and tears ran down the woman's face as she bolted across yards of neatly paved concrete, desperately pounding her blister-covered feet along the ground, anxious to escape.

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'Three men sat on a train and read a newspaper'

A triangle of iron-pressed business suits and expressions of utmost apathy sat across from each other. The droning announcements of tube stops paid no disturbance to their faces buried within black-and-white writing, producing identical black-and-white news for each sorrowful man.

 

'She heard footsteps creeping behind her and it made the whole situation scarier'

The snapping of twigs and crunching of autumn leaves advanced rapidly behind her, though she had thought she was alone in the forest. Her blood pressure spiked, almost matching the height of the gangling birch trees towering above her. Adrenaline and utter horror took over her quivering body, urging her to lurch forward and run for her life.

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Five tips on showing not telling - elaboration

1. Use strong verbs when describing action

A lot of the work that an adverb can do, can ultimately be done better by a strong verb. Often adverbs indicate weak verb choices, for example:​

- She swam quickly

- She thrashed in the water

- She glided in the water

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​  2. Appeal to all five senses

The appeal and inclusion of all five senses in a piece of writing help to immerse the reader into the story and help set the tone of the piece itself. Pick the particular things that are most important for giving your reader a sense of the scene and the mood and atmosphere that you want to set up.

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  3. Choose specific events to describe a long-standing situation

One concrete event will give the reader a much better insight into what the character is dealing with.

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  4. Describe reactions rather than standalone emotions

Describing the reaction of a character to a situation is better than simply naming the emotion or sensation the character is feeling. For example, the difference in the pairs of sentences below:

• She was cold

The wind sliced through her jacket, and her shoulders ached from hunching against its icy blast.

• He felt worried

His stomach was clenched with anxiety, and he couldn't finish his sandwich.

In both cases, the second sentence shows instead of tells and thus gives us more specificity and a stronger mental image of the situation.

 

  5. Be specific with dialogue ​​

Think about how old your characters are and where they are from. Whether or not your characters speak in a dialect, they should speak in a way that is appropriate for them so that their voices are non-descript and interchangeable.​

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Dramatize

• Write scenes so they take place in real-time

• Use description, action, and dialogue

• Avoid telling readers the emotions of the characters, they should be able to grasp it themselves due to word choice.

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Exercise - Develop these from telling to showing

Tell - 'She was my best friend. I could tell her almost anything'

Show - Our souls had never felt a glimpse of independence or even a sliver of desolation, as the moment we came into this world and opened our eyes to the light, we knew that same light would be dancing within both of our hearts for many lifetimes. A pure, platonic adoration that most would envy and others would admire. There was not a thought, not a feeling that I felt I had to hide from her, she was my altar of confession and my garden of truth. Anything that I felt, she felt. Well, almost anything...

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Tell - 'I was so excited'

Show - I felt as if I might blind my peers due to the blinding rays of thrill that were peeking out of my body. My heart palpitated with such force, that any doctor would tell me I was mad, yet nothing could disguise my ear-reaching grin as I bounced across the ground, greeting strangers with a bashful skip.

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Tell - 'Steve was frustrated'

Show - Steve cracked each knuckle one by one as he desperately tried to connect pen to paper. A guttural growl escaped his throat as he clenched every muscle in his body, relentlessly attempting to complete his work. This unfamiliar ache in his brain ultimately took over, as he forcefully kicked the table leg, which only surfaced this ache rapidly. No amount of battering innocent objects could aid Steve in completing his work, however, which led to the table becoming a pillow and the paper discarded amongst the pile of previous unfinished pieces.

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A bad day and a good day exercise

Let's pretend you have had a particularly bad day. A friend calls you. You say 'I had a bad day'.

She says 'Sorry to hear that'.

You can't help thinking they didn't quite grasp how bad your day was, so you describe it to them.

It is because bad or stressful are abstract terms, that tell, rather than show. The same goes for a good day. 

Write from the point of view of a character you have begun:

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A bad day phone call:

The perpetual ring of the phone is a droning reminder of remorse that has decided to follow me around all day, invading my personal space and causing nothing but relentless irritation. A phone call to release my pent-up emotions is what I require at this point in time. ''Margaret?'' Jane questions, an unusual tone of suspicion riddled within her raspy voice. ''Yes Mary, it's me,'' I reply, with clear relief from the human reaction, at last. I begin to endure a well-deserved rant about my awful day. ''I've been seeing Pete again. It's much worse. He is talking to me now, telling me my plan is absolutely barmy. I'm beginning to think I've got a screw loose. Perhaps you're right Jane, perhaps I should visit Doctor King. I just can't shake this persistent rage. It's as if my body might erupt in flames any second if I don't get revenge.'' I sigh a breath of relief I've been holding since I woke up that morning. Jane doesn't answer right away. I begin to think she's hung up until I hear the familiar screech down the phone line once more.

''I don't think you're barmy Margaret'' she whispers. ''I just don't think you're well my love. Pete's been dead for almost a month now, it's time for you to move on. Feeling angry is one of the crucial stages of grief, you just need to try to move past it and accept that he's gone.''

This pitiful attempt at consoling me had not helped in the slightest and had fuelled my rage to an even larger degree. I wasn't ill. I wasn't barmy. I was furious. Maybe I was blowing the situation out of proportion, but I had the right to get justice. Pete couldn't have been reaching out to me for no reason. I ignored the ongoing attempts of comfort that Jane spat at me and swiftly hung up the telephone. I knew what I had to do, and I needed to do it sooner rather than later.

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A good day phone call:

I swiftly reached for the ringing telephone and placed it on my ear. The lingering grin on my face surprised me, as it hadn't been present for weeks since Pete died. ''Hello?'' the person on the other line squeaked. I knew that voice. I knew that cheeky accent, the same accent that lived with me for so many years. It was Pete. He must have known I had a good day, he must have been eager to hear about it. He never called me on the telephone, he would usually come and go as I completed chores, keeping me company while I grieved him. ''Pete!'' I exclaimed, the bashful smirk on my face growing larger than ever. ''How are you my darling?''

I began to recall my day, however dull it may seem to an average person, I knew Pete would appreciate the little nothings I had to tell him.

''I've been thinking about you a lot Pete. I'm glad you called. Jane called me last week, she tried to tell me that I wasn't well. What an awful lot of nonsense. I devised a plan for my revenge today. I have it all planned out, just for you my love. It gave me a feeling of control that I've been trying to grapple back onto for months. I know what I'm going to do, and how I'm going to do it and I hope I make you proud, Pete. Pete?'' No answer. I repeat his name again and again until my smile has reversed itself and I feel a cold tear run down my face. I can't let this defeat me, or compromise my plan. Pete is still here, waiting for me to get justice. It is still a happy day.

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Anton Chekov - Show don't tell

'When describing nature, a writer should seize upon small details, arranging them so that the reader will see an image in his mind after he closes his eyes. For instance: you will capture the truth of a moonlit if you write that a gleam like starlight shone from the pieces of a broken bottle, and then the dark, plump shadow of a dog or wolf appeared.'

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Why do readers read books?

Readers read books in order to get as involved in a story as they can. They want to experience emotion through the lives and adventures of fictional characters, get swept up, and immerse themselves in other people's dramas.

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Showing vs telling

Showing and telling are two different methods of displaying something in a story. Showing is an efficient way to convey the thoughts and emotions of a character as it is usually by implication, human-centered. It is a slower, richer more expansive way to communicate. It is the opposite of efficiency as it highly revolves around detail. Showing something in a story can often place the human subject right at the centre of things, and as a consequence can often stir the heart.

Alternatively, telling something within a story is generally a less effective way to convey thoughts and emotions within a story, as it is often more factual and brief. It is, however, an efficient way to communicate data. This method prefers to avoid detail and is happy to convey broad, overarching messages. It is not necessarily human-centered and as a result, does not, in general, stir the heart.

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Exercise: Develop these from telling to showing

• Johnny was a good musician

Johnny plucked the strings of his harp, creating beautiful sounds with great ease. Such talent was rarely seen from a boy his age, though his music had the ability to halt violence and inspire dreams. The moment he caressed those forty-seven strings of bliss, anyone in the music college stopped in their tracks and indulged themselves in a moment of utter artistry and scowled at themselves for lacking such ability.​

• Sally was happy

A bashful grin came from Sally as she bounced down the hallway, at this very moment she was a human reincarnate of the sun itself. Sally felt such infatuation for the day ahead, that she couldn't help standing still for a moment to tame the warmth in her heart, rapidly spreading throughout her entire body.

• He was angry

Oliver had never felt such an intense bundle of nerves in his brain, such consuming emotions almost paralysing him. All that he could do was spread his feet in a feeble act of grounding himself, puffing out his chest to accompany this. He felt as if violence was the only option at present, as though a wrathful entity had removed any content emotion from him.​

• It was hot

Droplets of hot, salty sweat dripped down into her bloodshot eyes, contributing to the scorching sun that had also decided to burn her now-blistered skin. ​

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• Agnes was impatient

Agnes bounced her knee up and down in a rhythmic motion, gnawing on her lip until it was as raw as her obvious expression of apathy. She scanned the plain walls of the waiting room, skimmed her eyes over anti-smoking leaflets, and tried her best to breathe in as little of the sharp, sterile air as she could. When the upcoming names on the noticeboard resembled her name less and less, her body took control of her mind, as she bolted up from her chair and exclaimed 'If I don't get seen within the next five seconds I will perform a colonoscopy on myself!'​

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Show fear and surprise using the same method​

• She was scared

A cold sweat washed its way through her already shaking and a wave of undeniable dread paralysed her. Her thumping heart threatened to pound through her skin and flee the scene, unable to function as it should in this dire situation. As she closed her eyes, the familiar darkness that usually provided a sense of comfort now acted as a contribution to the horror she could not escape from.​

• She was surprised 

Her heart skipped a beat as the shocking revelation was revealed, and she couldn't control her jaw from widening as more information was revealed.

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Additional exercise:

Choose an emotion - write for five minutes describing someone experiencing this emotion. Give it to a peer and see if they guess the emotion.

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Flashes of red infiltrated his vision as his clenched teeth bit down on his own swollen tongue, fighting the advancing darkness inside of him. White knuckles matched his ever so rapidly paling face until the overwhelming urge became a reality when his fists collided with the brick wall.

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Feedback - most of my peers that I showed this piece of writing to correctly guessed that the emotion that I was attempting to portray was anger.

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Evaluation

During this week's sessions, we learned about the importance of specificity within our writing and how it can help to portray the thoughts and emotions of a character more effectively. We also went through the method of showing and not telling, which can also help improve our writing and characters as a whole. I felt that these sessions have helped to improve my writing and helped me to understand that the entire point of showing versus telling is to make a stronger emotional connection with your readers and hook them into the story. This has helped me to incorporate better descriptions within my work instead of simply naming an emotion that my character is feeling

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